Happy Homebirth

Question for you, dads:

If you knew you were preparing for something intense and life-changing… let’s say battle… how would you want to prepare?

Would you prefer to read a book or two and hope for the best?

Would you want to watch a general self-study course and try to implement on your own?

Or would you prefer 1:1 preparation with a skilled instructor who has actually experienced what you’re preparing for? Wouldn’t you want to have access to other peers who were preparing for the same event to work with, relate to, and lean upon?

And would you want this preparation to simply show you how to hold a sword, or would you want it to teach you to think like a warrior? Which would be more helpful.

Now let’s think about your wife and the life-changing experience she’s about to have: giving birth. Just like battle, she will leave this experience changed. Wouldn’t it be far more helpful if we were able to help her prepare for all of the aspects of birth and motherhood beforehand so that she walks into this event confidently and courageously?

Listen in to this discussion to learn the 5 questions you can ask your wife when she’s selecting a method of childbirth education. And remember that YOU can be her hero simply through your support!

What do we need to know about supporting and healing the pelvic floor?  Is it super complex?

1. So much of our fears stem from the unknown. Jordan didn't know what to expect with her first baby and birth, and at that time, it felt safer to just not know than to have to come to terms with what it could be. Obviously, this changed greatly for Jordan with time, but it really highlights just how stressful the idea of birth can be-- and if we don't even feel safe looking into what's happening, it's no wonder that we would want to consider an elective cesarean. Have someone else do it for me- I don't even want to know.
2. But on to my second point, what power did Jordan exhibit when she realized.... "wait a minute... I'm in control here!" She truly became a force to be reckoned with, and it was amazing to see that sense increase throughout her two subsequent births. Once you realize the smoke and mirrors of the idea that someone else has the power-- not you-- once you realize it's YOUR body and YOUR baby.... you can't unsee that. Jordan certainly never did.
3. I love that Jordan so openly has continued to grow, learn and change. When her midwife recommended some dietary changes that seemed pretty basic, she suddenly had insane improvements in her health-- how incredible is it to see that we sometimes DO have the ability to greatly increase our health with just a few simple changes. This was such an encouraging aspect of Jordan's journey to me.
4. And finally, how wonderful was it to hear all of the supportive people around Jordan. Her husband, her mother-in-law, her midwife, her sister in law-- all of them playing such integral parts in her experience, and she will never forget how these wonderful people treated her during such a special time. It just fills me with joy to hear when mothers are rallied around in such a beautiful way.

What do Obstetricians have to say about homebirth?  Well, the one we're speaking to today certainly has some opinions that may surprise you in the best way.

1. When it comes to birth, our lens is crucial to how we view the situation. Ellie recognized that the only thing standing in her way from fully enjoying or appreciating her second birth experience was an internal battle based around the idea that her experience was supposed to be something different than it was. It is crucial for us as mothers to enter each birthing experience with curiosity and a beginner's mind, knowing that the experience will bring to us whatever lessons we need most. A positive and curious lens can make all of the difference.
2. And ultimately, birth is normal until proven otherwise. Entering this experience recognizing that physiological labor was designed to work allows us to relax and release into this process with confidence and comfort. Having trusted care providers and a trusted location can truly help mothers sink warmly into the headspace needed to submit to the birthing process.

1. Learning to release in one area of life often times allows us to soften and release in other areas. This is such a great reminder for motherhood. A we learn to soften and sink in and release, our experience of motherhood will be positively impacted.          
2. "No one has the answers but you" and there's freedom in that. Ultimately, you get to take full responsibility. Theresa mentioned this in relation to her search for health during chronic illness, and the very same applies for birth. Yes, it is wonderful to find others who can support us, encourage us, and teach us... but ultimately, this is your life. And it's so much more fulfilling, despite the fact that it may at first feel daunting, when we embrace the responsibility.                            
3. If you have the time to think to yourself, "Oh man, I'm not thinking or feeling the way I wanted to...." THAT IS YOUR CUE! You can take that one little moment of awareness-- that's all you need is one little moment-- and remind yourself to refocus. And the more you do this, the more aware you will be come, and the quicker and easier it will be to refocus as time goes on.                                                                                            
4. And finally, I love this one...Remember that we cannot control the craziness around us. We live in a world that can be dark at times, and there is undeniably trouble and struggle within the human condition. But despite this.... or even in light of this...how important is it for us to connect to our babies and let them know how well they are loved. As Theresa said, It's the biggest gift a mother can give their child.

1. I feel like Jocelyn story had so many difficult aspects to it and what I love and find so comforting and it is that through all of those things, she was able to continue on, she thought the Lord's help in the times that she needed it and she did what she needed to do for her babies.

1. That being said, we as mothers often times will sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice and forget that we are people too who need help and support. So I'm so grateful that Jocelyn is now on a path to helping her body rest and allowing her body to heal, and these things do take time. So I am so grateful to Jocelyn for sharing her birth stories with us.

1. The first one being that trauma is a physical response. It's not an emotional feeling. It's something that we physically experience inside of our bodies. And it's when our body thinks that an event is happening in real time, it cannot differentiate or distinguish past from present. So when we go to heal our trauma, we are simply trying to show our body that it is safe right now. What a blessing to be able to give our bodies that.
2. If you have experienced birth trauma, whether you deem it yourself big or small, it is worth healing. It is worth digging through and finding the truth and healing it. Your trauma impacts your day to day functioning whether you recognize it or not. It also has implications on your family, on your children, on your spouse. For us to be able to work through our own healing, we also provide healing for those around us. What a wonderful example to everyone around us.
3. Finally, if you are finding yourself feeling uncomfortable when you talk about your birth, when the idea of birth comes out, when your friend mentions her birthing plans, that's when we want to really check-in and make sure that we are getting the support that we need.

How can we set ourselves up for an empowered motherhood experience?  Are there any specific values or ideals that we can practice and exercise in order to ready ourselves for the great task that motherhood is?